Guest blogger – Carol J. Williams, Grief Recovery Method Specialist
I appreciate Teraleen giving me the opportunity to share my passion through writing. My truth, I am sensitive when it comes to grieving individuals. I am a griever who has experienced challenges of individuals not knowing how to deal with me or communicate with me. These challenges caused me to isolate from others because of my frustration. However, the isolation became unhealthy and caused years of being stuck in grief. I am for grateful for being unstuck.
We who are grieving at times don’t understand ourselves or our emotions. We don’t need anyone trying to understand us; we just need your presence. Often times your presence is more important than your words. Please note this applies not only to the initial loss but also during special days such as holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries.
We understand you mean well with your words but often your words are not uplifting. Your words cause us to internalize our emotions versus expressing our emotions. Your words cause us to isolate ourselves because we would rather not be bothered than hear words such as: how are you doing, they’re gone to a better place, be strong, it’s the Lord’s will, Oh, man up, it just takes time…and the list continues.
Honestly, ask yourself, how do you think a person is doing after experiencing a loss? My 16-year-old cousin recently went home to be with Lord unexpectedly. He didn’t die due to any type of incident/ accident or illness. His father was very vocal on social media prior to the Homegoing Celebration regarding his pain and relationship with his son. A few days after the funeral, he posted on social media, “no disrespect intended but please stop asking me how I feel… I lost my only reason to be civil so just pray and continue to lift me up in prayer.” I responded by saying, ” Great words! People really don’t know what to say to grieving individuals and need assistance. I don’t think you are being disrespectful at all.” I used that opportunity as a teachable moment and provided a quote card entitled, “things not to say if a friend is grieving.”
You may be reading this blog and wondering how can I help grieving individuals? You can help us by first allowing us to feel what we feel and be okay to express our emotions how we choose to express them. Most importantly, just listen to us. You don’t always have to say something. Allow us to share what’s on our minds and hearts. The key is listening from a non-judgmental zone.
We understand you may not know how to deal with us but if you pay close attention to our non-verbal communication you will pick up on what you’re saying or doing at the moment isn’t helping us. We want you to communicate with us but be mindful of your words.
Grievers, we are not alone! There will be good days and bad! There will be moments when tears may come suddenly. It’s okay to cry! Honestly, we may just need a good cry! Let’s release our emotions and not internalize them so we are emotionally healthy as we grieve.
Grievers, if you need additional support, I offer group and one on one support for seven weeks. For further information, please contact me directly via e-mail icaresolutions2017@outlook.com
Carol J. Williams
Grief Recovery Method Specialist, Certified by The Grief Recovery Method Institute
